As the Deer

I was very hesitant to share this but I decided to because I thought it may be important. If you read my blog from the week that I spent during the uprising here in Egypt then you read about the day "I thought I was going to die."

Well you never know how you are going to react to a situation until it actually happens. Facing a situation in which you think it is your last moment on Earth can be VERY scary. That night when the gun fight was going on in front of my house along with men and women screaming and yelling for about 30 minutes straight, thought it felt like an eternity, my roommates and I's first reaction was to hit the ground and pray. As we huddled together on the phone with one of our parents, trying not to lose it, we prayed. Also going through my head was "It's time to put something against the door, their coming, we have to hurry." And of course a million other thoughts.

After we were through praying I knew something was different. I was literally in shock. My body was in shock and it was for the next two days. That night we went to the back room to pray not knowing what the next moment would bring. It was the toughest two days of my life spiritually. It seems that the enemy loves to show up in times where we are at our weakest and do as much damage as possible. That night and the day that followed was filled with the biggest spiritual battle I had ever gone through. I walked around in somewhat of a daze on the outside and on the inside I was filled with lies from the evil one. Things like: "Do you really trust God to protect you?" "Where is your God?" "Are you really going to heaven when you die" "Is what you believe true?" "How do you know you are truly saved?" It seemed that every button that could be pushed was pushed. Fear had overcome me in a huge way. I prayed against it, read my bible and quoted verses of biblical truth and His promises. At night when I was about to go to bed it was the worst. I didn't know what night fall was going to bring into the next day. Someone shared with me once that she felt we are most vulnerable when we are asleep. The enemy likes to come into our dreams and try to scare us, destroy us and feed us lies. I went to bed listening to worship music so my head could be wrapped around Him who was in control. My body was just filled with, well I guess fear is the only way I can describe it. And the enemy definietely tried to use those two days to tear me down. I should have told the group I was with what I was going through, so they could pray with me and help me through it. But for those of you who know me the best, I usually keep feelings, struggles and things like that to myself. So I just dealt with it by turning to Him. After almost two full days of this battle within I was sitting with my group of friends in the US Embassy housing, where we were staying for the night and we were sitting around talking, singing and praying. I was still kind of in a daze but listening none the less. We sang "As the Dear" and after the song was over Psalm 42 popped into my head (Which is where this song stems from) and that was the first thing I had mentioned all night. My flat mat suggested that I read it to the group...So I did. I want to share it with you now and then continue with this entry:
¹ As the deer pants for streams of water,
   so my soul pants for you, my God. 
² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
   When can I go and meet with God?
³ My tears have been my food
   day and night, (There were definitely tears those two days, inwardly but a lot) 
while people say to me all day long,
   “Where is your God?” (I felt the enemy tell me this several times)
⁴ These things I remember
   as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
   under the protection of the Mighty One^[d] (He is my protection)
with shouts of joy and praise
   among the festive throng.
 ⁵ Why, my soul, are you downcast? (I was very downcast and not myself)
   Why so disturbed within me? (I was very disturbed within myself)
Put your hope in God,  (Reminding me that my hope is in Him and Him alone!)
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.
 ⁶ My soul is downcast within me;
   therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
   the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
⁷ Deep calls to deep
   in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
   have swept over me.
 ⁸ By day the LORD directs his love,
   at night his song is with me—
   a prayer to the God of my life.
 ⁹ I say to God my Rock,
   “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
   oppressed by the enemy?”
¹⁰ My bones suffer mortal agony
   as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
   “Where is your God?”
 ¹¹ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.

This spoke to me that night and from then on I was myself again. Though there were scary moments that followed He reminded me that since  hope was in Him and I have protection from Him and Him alone, I do not need to be downcast and disturbed. When He is on your side no one can be against you, not even the evil one. He always knows what you need to hear. I needed this that night. His word always helps me through my darkest times. And this was definitely a dark couple of days. Days that I do not want to go back to. But if I do I know He will be standing by my side throughout it all. My faith was tested through those two days more then it ever had been. Initial reaction was to kneel and pray. My flesh was scared for days after that (I'm human what can I say?) and the enemy tried his best to use all he had against me but God brought me through it on step at a time! I've learned a lot not only during the uprising but since then as well. I have a newborn thirst to know the one true and living God more and more everyday. I am not perfect and I never will be but I will do my best to fulfill His will. Go out and be fruitful and share the Good News with as many people as you possibly can and grow closer and closer in a relationship with Him each day. He loves us and wants us to know Him through His word and through communication (prayer) each and everyday.

Tahrir Square Celebration

Life as I know it is forever changed

I am not sure what the future holds at the moment for Egypt. So many things have happened over the last week. Life as I know it in Egypt will never be the same. At least that is what I keep hearing. I am not saying it will be bad or get worse but life a little over a week ago has changed. I know there are still lots of people out at liberation square and they are not leaving until the president steps down and they are calling tomorrow "Resolution Day." As I ventured out yesterday to go pay some bills I felt all eyes on me. As I entered TE Data and found I was the only foreigner in there, I was a little uneasy. I know they looked at me with questioning minds. Thinking :Why is she still here?" ,and "Why is she not afraid?." I have been asked this many times since this whole thing started. I had my chance to leave, a way out if you want to call it that. But I never felt called out by Him. I feel He led me here for a reason and I am staying until I feel like He wants me to leave. After leaving TE Data I walked across the busy street to catch a taxi to road 9. A smile spread across my face as I see 25-30 Egyptian youth cleaning the streets. They have bags and bags of trash that they have collected. As I walk a little further on down, women are smiling at me and telling me hi, when before I would try to smile at them and they would just glare at me. Yes, life as I knew Egypt once to be may be changing but who knows so far the changes have been good! I know that His hand are in all of this and big things come out of change. Well this is a big change, so I know BIG things will come. This nation can be changed and hearts are turning to Him. Little by little people will come to know Him, there is a HUGE door wide open and I am SO excited to see what comes of it. I am SO excited to be a part of it. So yes, life as I knew it in Egypt will be forever changed in the events that have happened and have yet to happen but as I sit here and drink my tea I can't help but smile, knowing that I too have been forever changed by these events. What is to come? Only He knows and I trust that I and this country are in His hands!

Walking by faith

This was my roomies devotion in the middle of our revolution here in Egypt and I think it fits perfectly! 
Walking by Faith 
''I will instruct you... in the way you should go...'' Psalm 32:8
Paul writes, '...I go... not knowing the things that will happen to me... except that the Holy Spirit testifies... saying that chains and tribulations await me. But none of these things move me...' (Acts 20:22-24 NKJV). It's only human to want to know where you're going and what you're getting into. But God will inform you on a 'need to know' basis. Like Abraham, when you follow Him, you do it 'not knowing' where the Lord leads, but believing what He promised, confident that no matter how He does it nor how long it takes, He will keep His word to you (Hebrews 11:8). Being in God's will doesn't exempt you from problems. God doesn't promise a carpet on the race track or a bed of roses on the battlefield. But you can be '...confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion...' (Philippians 1:6 NIV). Jon Walker says, 'God knows every step of the journey... the blessings and dangers... where you've been... where you're going, and... the best path to take... He never intended you to figure out the steps without Him. How you get on mission and succeed... are God's responsibilities. Your responsibility is to seek His guidance and obey His instructions. He said, "I will instruct you... in the way you should go... and watch over you." (Psalm 32:8 NIV). Your job is to trust Him with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. His job is to set your path straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). There's no requirement for you to figure it all out.'

Amazing things will come from this...

So after moving one more time to our fourth place and having an amazing worship time with the group staying in that house I am back in my own apartment. My flatty is left and I am SO sad but I know it is time for her to go. She is not leaving because she is worried or concerned but her job has changed with all the youth being gone, she has no one to work with. I am hoping that she will be back in August! He is going to do amazing things in her life! So after all this crazy stress it is finally calming down a bit. It has definitely been a whirl wind of emotions this week. I hope I never forget what He has taught me over this past week. What it means to FULLY rely on Him and everything else that has been tested this week beyond that.

I do want to share an amazing testimony that I heard on Saturday at our first service back under the tent:

We had an amazing service. You could feel the presence of God all through the crowd. We were worshiping and the service just kept going on and on. No one seemed to care about time or when the service was going to be over. Out worship director (Mark) shared an amazing story. Over the past week the men in Egypt have been sitting outside protecting their property and loved ones. Mark had been sitting out with a group of Egyptian men with his guitar until the wee hours of the night. He was just playing his tunes when one of the men said "Hey do you know that song O' Happy Day?" "You know the one that says when Jesus walk and He washes your sins away." After Mark got over the shock of the question he said "Well ya I do know that song." So they sat around the fire at 3am singing  "O' Happy Day" After he shared this at service we sang that same song out as loud as we could under the tent! Praise God.

He is going to use this experience for His glory. I know so many that have been forever changed by this experience. If nothing comes out of this except that I have been forever changed, it would be SO worth it but I know He is doing so much more and is continuing to use this past week and the weeks to come for His glory. I cannot wait to see what awaits ahead!

The video on my facebook shows us singing the song "O' Happy Day" a week after this whole thing started. You can just feel the energy!

It has been an amazing week! I can't say that enough. Thank you to all who have supported me through all of this. I know it is so hard to see someone you know in danger. He protected me through it all. The safest place is to be fully immersed in the will of God! A special thanks to my mom and my little sis who supported me 100% with my decision to stay. I know that was hard for them! I love you all!

Respect has doubled!

Can I just say that my respect for the Egyptian male figure here in Egypt has definitely more than doubled! Living in Egypt day to day and getting the hassles from the guys can really make you want to give the evil eye every time. After being here for five and a half months and having to deal with looks and all the catcalls I really did spend my fair share bashing the guys here and how disrespectful I felt they were. But after the last couple days and seeing these guys step up when the police stepped out is just amazing! They are down in front of their buildings in shifts with whatever they can find to guard their families and what possessions they have. Some of them have big sticks, guns and one even has a sword. They have built make shift road blocks out of whatever they could find. These are the true heroes of this revolution! They are amazing!!! As I walk around Maadi to go shopping or to go from house to house I am just amazed at how many Egyptian guys are outside with whatever weapons they can find. And these are guys of all ages! It is just really amazing to see this.

Ummmm the last week. Not sure what else to call it...

Monday: (January 24, 2011)

Waking up on Monday and going to school who knew what was to come. We knew we had the next day off for police day. We had a meeting after school telling us the best thing to do would to be to stay inside so that we would not get mixed up in the riots. So we went on with our day. I was excited about having a day off and sleeping in and catching up on work.

Tuesday: (January 25, 2011) Police Day

A day off! I spent all day in my PJ’s and used the day to relax and work on lesson plans for the following week. I watched the news and the riots had started. Thousands of people were out in Tehrir Square in downtown Cairo protesting that the president steps down. Lots of people upset at the way the government has been run. Thousands gathered not only in Cairo but all around Egypt.

Wednesday and Thursday: (January 26 & 27, 2011)

School as normal. We talked about how the following week was going to be a short school week and then we had a four day weekend. We had heard that Friday after prayer the people were planning on going back downtown to continue to protest and have demonstrations. Still the feeling of normalcy was there. I was planning on having a great weekend with friends and finishing up my lesson plans for the following short school week. (Internet went down Thursday night)

Friday: (January 28, 2011) The Friday of Wrath (Phones and all technology down today)

I slept in and went on with my day as normal. This is when I started to hear gun shots in the distance and hearing of the riots getting out of hand. Hearing gunshots in the distance and still deciding to go to church. The church service had turned into a night of prayer for Egypt in place of the regular service. It was a great night of worship and you could just feel His strong presence. God is here. During the service we were reading Ps. 3 and Ps. 46. and spending time in group prayer. At 5:50pm our pastor gets up in the middle of the service and informs us that there is a curfew put in place for 6:00pm. My roommate and I said our hellos to a few people at church and then we headed out to walk home. That night we spent alone in our apartment. We had some time of worship, reading the word and lots of time in prayer. We watched a movie and tried to forget about the outside world and what was going on around us. We had no news to watch and could only rely on landline phone calls from others to know what was going on. I went to bed that night thinking about what the future might hold and how long it would be until my life was back to normal. Praise the Lord for His safety.

Saturday: (January 29, 2011) (No phones, no internet except landlines) (Tanks and Military show up in downtown) (Police flee) (Cell phones back on this morning, got to call mom 1:30am her time to let her know I was safe) Waking up to another day filled with gun fire I knew this would be another day at the apartment. Joanna and I thought that this could turn into long term and we decided to venture out and to go grocery shopping to get supplies that we may need if this continued. (Water, food, candles, batteries, lighters ect.) The grocery stores were packed, everyone with the same idea in mind, survival. After raiding Metro market and trying to decide what were the most important items to buy we head to the very long checkout line with the new curfew time in mind (4pm). Nobody had phone credit, which is something I was on the hunt for in case phones were turned back on, to be able to call family at home. I wondered how they were doing; the news always makes things look worse than what they really are. They are at home watching what is going on here, knowing that their loved ones were stuck in the middle of it all. Jenna finally came home and we decided to camp at our house until further notice. We had our snacks and we sat around the table and talked about how safe we felt in our little apartment. We also had some friends come over and fix our TV, so we could now watch what was going on around us, though I am not sure how much news at this point was healthy. The night seemed to pass by slowly.  Then my roommate gets a text that says “Stay where you are they are heading to Maadi” “Do not leave your apartment for any reason.” My other roommate was on the phone with her mom telling her how safe we felt in our little apartment on the 9^th floor. I was on the balcony, there was gunfire could be heard from all around in the distance. I happen to peer down and see all the doormen and other men with big sticks, swords and guns camped out guarding the outside of our buildings. I just happen to say to my roommates to come look because it’s like they knew something was going to go down. So if you can picture this roommate on the phone with the states telling her mom how safe we were, I am peering down at the men on our street who started blocking our street with whatever they could find (Big rocks, cement blocks, metal rails ect.) About 15-20 minutes later we heard loud screaming and yelling, lots of gunfire and chaos. My roommate put the phone down, I hit the lights and we hit the floor all in the matter of seconds. We get up and pick the phone back up and we are standing in the living room huddled together amidst the loud gunfire and screaming and her mom is on the phone praying for us (Ps. 91). I kept walking around and I am literally in defense mode. I am thinking out loud saying “We should put the couch against the door, we need to do this and this” I actually literally just lost it and tried to think what we should do to protect ourselves. Can I just say that this was the scariest night of my life! I literally thought that life was over as I knew it. This went on for what it felt like an eternity but really only about 20 minutes. I tried to calm down but even as we went to the back room of our apartment to pray, read the word, worship and take communion I could feel the tension in my body. When I went to pray I was filled with emotion. I tried to keep it together. We did not know what the night held but we held onto His word and went to bed with Ps. 63 on our hearts. I tried to listen to music on my iPod and get some sleep but it just was not working. I stayed up most of the night listening to the sounds around me, lots of gunfire throughout the night and wondering how close it really was, wondering what the next hour held. Talking to my mom was good but I was not myself and she could tell. She said I have never sounded so scared in my life. (True) But it was good to talk to her and tell her I was safe. Talking to her was so hard. Hard to hear her upset and telling me she loves me. I know she does and I know this is hard on her that I am here going through this and all she can do but pray for me and trust that He will keep me safe. Praise the Lord for His safety, the Egyptians who have taken post to keep their families and us safe, hot water, food and so much more.

(Scene: Gunfire in the distance and Egyptian men taking post where cops should be, every kind of road block you can think of made out of whatever the people can find to keep others out)

Sunday: (January 30, 2011) (Tanks and Military show up in Maadi)

After the night we experienced we found that during the day things seem to run as normal as possible. We decided it would be good for both our fear level and our sanity to venture out and try to find some more water and last minute supplies because at this point we are not sure how much longer this will go on. I still had lots of tension that filled my body and I did not like the idea of leaving the safety I felt like I had around me. But after much convincing we went out. We got dressed and took off to Kimo mart. You could hear the occasional gunfire in the distance but it life around us seemed normal or as normal as you could be in a time like this. We get to Kimo and I ran into some people I knew from school and from church. Everyone seemed to be talking about whether or not we were leaving or staying and what the options were. After returning home we cleaned the whole house. There was talk about a few coming over to visit and we just wanted a clean house. After one of my roommates venturing out to assess damage on road 9 and running into some other mutual friends their thought was for safety would be to move into embassy housing for the night. See we live next to one of the jails and there had been rumor that several inmates were escaping and we also lived in a “richer” part of town which was a target for looters. So that was the next plan and with just an hour ish to go before the 4pm curfew it was time to pack what we could. We had prepared our house so we could camp out for two weeks if need be but we decided that we did not want a repeat of the night before alone. So that’s what we did, we packed as if we were not going back to our house for a very long time. We have just been living hour to hour and making wise decisions the best we knew how in this kind of situation. So it was off to embassy housing with what little we could pack. We took a taxi most of the way there and got out to walk. There were several of the military all over this area. Seeing tanks in this area also made me feel a little bit safer. We went into the highly secure embassy housing for the night, knowing we could only stay one night because they were evacuating them in the morning. I finally felt safe again. Moving around town even during the day made me very nervous. We thought safety in numbers. I look around and see 7 people in this apartment, this safe apartment surrounding by military. I look out the window and see a tank going down the road. You do hear a lot of gunfire but it is different being here where you are surrounding by armed guards. We spent another night in prayer, reading the word and singing out praises to Him. We read Isaiah 19 which is the prophecy for Egypt and just talked about what that meant. We also sang “As the Deer” and then read Ps. 42. We also talked about the next day and our next move. With a plan in mind for the day to come I went back to get a needed good night sleep. I have not been myself the last two days. It took me this long to get over that first scary night. But I am fine now and I am ready to help in whatever way I can. (Scene: Military outside taking post, I feel safe again in embassy housing)

Monday: (January 31, 2011) (Police come back to their posts but they do not do anything, really)

Waking up this morning knowing we had to move again I could feel my body tense up. I guess you really never know how you are going to react to a situation until you are in the middle of it. So we pack up and we had to be out by 8am because our friend form the embassy is being shipped out. Thank God for a safe night at her house. Our group packs up and we are outside at 7:45am. We had to wait for the curfew to lift at 8am and then we were on the move again. We had planned to move to a house where we had held small group for the past several months, a huge three floor flat that was off the ground floor. Our plan was to walk from the embassy housing to this new place. Well….there was military all around and you have this group of foreigners with their hands full of stuff, well this just screams “target!” So we actually had an armed guard with a bayonet who walked us almost all the way to the new place. Every hour is a new experience. After arriving at our new “safe” house we talked about what to do next. We were going to split up into two groups and check out possible damages that may have happened throughout the night at our apartments and also pick up as much food as we could and clothes for the next several days. At this point we are not sure how long to plan for. So we are at our apartment packing up yet again still not knowing if this is our last time to see the place.

Comic relief: Now waiting for the elevator on the ninth floor with one huge bag that pretty much counts as a fifth person, we were trying to decide how to all get down. See there is a rule that there are only two people allowed in it at one time and though we are in the middle of a “war” our doorman keeps reminding us “Two and a time.” So we send up one of my roommates and the bag of food that counts as one person and she gets in. The next thing we hear is her coming back up in the elevator and passing our floor saying in her nice Irish accent “Hey guys I think the lift is broken” and she ends up on the 11^th floor and you have us on the 9^th floor busting up laughing because that is just our elevator. It always messes up at the worst possible time. So she gets off on the 11^th floor lugs the “5^th” person/bag off with her to wait.  We call the elevator back to the 9^th floor and my roommate and our other friend sends me in with the rest of our stuff and they were going to take the stairs and call the elevator to the bottom floor. Now when I get in the elevator I smell this really bad electrical smell and I remember hearing about a sign in Arabic saying that the last person that fixed this elevator was not really certified and they are not liable for what happens. So the whole time I am waiting for them to get to the bottom floor to call me down I was walking in and out of the elevator wondering if I should just take the stairs. But by the time they called it I was in. So I had nine floors to go. I made it to the bottom and then we got our other roommate and our huge bag down from the 11^th floor. I am sure you had to be there but we laughed and I had tears coming out of my eyes because we were laughing so hard.

Anyway so we were back down in the street hunting for a taxi to head back to the other house where we would be staying the night. As we walked down the street it seemed as if some were trying to get back to some kind of normalcy. People were out walking their dogs, others were out with their children playing soccer and shopping. Shops were back open for coffee. But again the curfew was up for 3pm. Another night filled with prayer and worship to the one in control who has His hand in everything going on. Late night staying up talking to my friend about future possible scenarios of the future of Egypt and what would happen if the president steps down, if he doesn’t, what’s next ect. It was good to have a discussion with someone who knew more about the situation. Finally asleep at 1:45am, I have found it hard to sleep no matter what time I go to sleep or how tired I seem to get. Wondering how my family is coping and though I know they seem calm on the phone I know they are worried.

Tuesday (February 01, 2011) Million Man March (Internet still down)

And then there were five…Speak2Tweet, I like how technology has adapted the chaos here in Egypt.

Waking up to say goodbye to another friend who was going home plus the family who has taken us in at the moment were also given the chance to leave. After a morning of prayer and thanksgiving for our safety we ventured out in separate groups. I had a sweet reunion with some friends I have not seen since this whole thing started. We went down to road nine and they had a backpack full of food to hand out to those that needed it. We went and bought more food to use for baking so we could hand out food for the next several days, after we headed to the church for a time of prayer. MCC opened back up for a daily prayer meeting and then regular services on Friday at noon. It was SO good to be at church again and to see who was left. We worshipped together, prayed together and had fellowship. It was definitely a sweet time!!!! We read Habkkuk 3 and the pastor talked a little about it and we meditated on His word. Curfew was at 3:00 so we had to get back to the flat we were staying in by then. We spent the night talking and watching a movie, trying not to watch the news and just relaxing. All of our sleep schedules have been off and we just wanted to rest.

Wednesday (February 02, 2011)  (Internet restored! Praise God!)

I think back to where I was a month ago, in the Devin castle in the middle of Slovakia with the snow falling and I remember thinking “God how did I get here” The snow was falling over the Austria mountains and it was a beautiful sight and I thought if this is where you have brought me so far this year I can’t wait to see what the rest of the year brings.  That same day I had a conversation with God about the past year and how far He had brought me and how much had happened in my life and I also looked to 2011. I promised God that I would work on my prayer life this year, drawing closer to Him through conversation with the Holy one.  Prayer is our direct link to conversations with our Savior and it is something I have always been weak in. 2011 was going to be my year of change. Well…let me just say that sometimes God answers our prayers and promises to Him in GREAT ways and through this whole ordeal in Egypt I am praying more than I ever have not only with other believers around but one on one with our sweet Savior. Praying for wisdom, discernment on what direction to take from moment to moment and ways He can use me at this time. I am learning so much being here at this moment in time. I do not believe it is a mistake that I am here. God puts us in the place He wants us at any given moment and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at THIS moment in time. Things could change tomorrow but for now I am here. Today was another day in Maadi. People are trying to get back to normal. We have tried to stop watching the news and get back to what is normal for now. We are using our time during the day to do His work and at night relaxing, praying and chatting with each other. We went to a garbage village today to bring food to a family there and one of my friends nursed up two little boys cuts. I played with the kids, we took a couple pictures and just loved them and should them we cared and that we were still here to help in any way we could. Showing Gods love to the people here is SO important all the time but now more than ever people hearts are open to hear the Good News and we want to take every opportunity possible to just show we care.  I went up to my school today to get somewhat of pay. Enough to get by for now and pay a few bills. It was good to see the staff that was up there, a good little reunion. It was also good to visit my classroom and just know that no harm had come to the school. Now we are back in our house, all on our computers because the internet is back on. It was so good to talk to people today from the states. Also I skyped with my lovely mom and I got to see her face and she got to see mine. I think it was good to be able to see each other and know that I am getting through this. I am not sure what the future holds. Riots broke out downtown a couple hours ago downtown and this time it was against people. They were fighting and arguing and hurting each other. I pray for the Egyptian people. So much innocent blood has already been shed and now they are turning on each other. I really pray that this does not start a civil war. Praise the Lord for connection for the outside world again! Praise Him for some much needed reunions today not only face to face with the people here but also on skype and on the phoneJ. I am excited about what may come out of this for His kingdom.  Continue to pray.