I was very hesitant to share this but I decided to because I thought it may be important. If you read my blog from the week that I spent during the uprising here in Egypt then you read about the day "I thought I was going to die."
Well you never know how you are going to react to a situation until it actually happens. Facing a situation in which you think it is your last moment on Earth can be VERY scary. That night when the gun fight was going on in front of my house along with men and women screaming and yelling for about 30 minutes straight, thought it felt like an eternity, my roommates and I's first reaction was to hit the ground and pray. As we huddled together on the phone with one of our parents, trying not to lose it, we prayed. Also going through my head was "It's time to put something against the door, their coming, we have to hurry." And of course a million other thoughts.
After we were through praying I knew something was different. I was literally in shock. My body was in shock and it was for the next two days. That night we went to the back room to pray not knowing what the next moment would bring. It was the toughest two days of my life spiritually. It seems that the enemy loves to show up in times where we are at our weakest and do as much damage as possible. That night and the day that followed was filled with the biggest spiritual battle I had ever gone through. I walked around in somewhat of a daze on the outside and on the inside I was filled with lies from the evil one. Things like: "Do you really trust God to protect you?" "Where is your God?" "Are you really going to heaven when you die" "Is what you believe true?" "How do you know you are truly saved?" It seemed that every button that could be pushed was pushed. Fear had overcome me in a huge way. I prayed against it, read my bible and quoted verses of biblical truth and His promises. At night when I was about to go to bed it was the worst. I didn't know what night fall was going to bring into the next day. Someone shared with me once that she felt we are most vulnerable when we are asleep. The enemy likes to come into our dreams and try to scare us, destroy us and feed us lies. I went to bed listening to worship music so my head could be wrapped around Him who was in control. My body was just filled with, well I guess fear is the only way I can describe it. And the enemy definietely tried to use those two days to tear me down. I should have told the group I was with what I was going through, so they could pray with me and help me through it. But for those of you who know me the best, I usually keep feelings, struggles and things like that to myself. So I just dealt with it by turning to Him. After almost two full days of this battle within I was sitting with my group of friends in the US Embassy housing, where we were staying for the night and we were sitting around talking, singing and praying. I was still kind of in a daze but listening none the less. We sang "As the Dear" and after the song was over Psalm 42 popped into my head (Which is where this song stems from) and that was the first thing I had mentioned all night. My flat mat suggested that I read it to the group...So I did. I want to share it with you now and then continue with this entry:
1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night, (There were definitely tears those two days, inwardly but a lot)
while people say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?” (I felt the enemy tell me this several times)
4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
under the protection of the Mighty One[d] (He is my protection)
with shouts of joy and praise
among the festive throng.
5 Why, my soul, are you downcast? (I was very downcast and not myself)
Why so disturbed within me? (I was very disturbed within myself)
Put your hope in God, (Reminding me that my hope is in Him and Him alone!)
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
6 My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?”
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
11 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
This spoke to me that night and from then on I was myself again. Though there were scary moments that followed He reminded me that since hope was in Him and I have protection from Him and Him alone, I do not need to be downcast and disturbed. When He is on your side no one can be against you, not even the evil one. He always knows what you need to hear. I needed this that night. His word always helps me through my darkest times. And this was definitely a dark couple of days. Days that I do not want to go back to. But if I do I know He will be standing by my side throughout it all. My faith was tested through those two days more then it ever had been. Initial reaction was to kneel and pray. My flesh was scared for days after that (I'm human what can I say?) and the enemy tried his best to use all he had against me but God brought me through it on step at a time! I've learned a lot not only during the uprising but since then as well. I have a newborn thirst to know the one true and living God more and more everyday. I am not perfect and I never will be but I will do my best to fulfill His will. Go out and be fruitful and share the Good News with as many people as you possibly can and grow closer and closer in a relationship with Him each day. He loves us and wants us to know Him through His word and through communication (prayer) each and everyday.
Well you never know how you are going to react to a situation until it actually happens. Facing a situation in which you think it is your last moment on Earth can be VERY scary. That night when the gun fight was going on in front of my house along with men and women screaming and yelling for about 30 minutes straight, thought it felt like an eternity, my roommates and I's first reaction was to hit the ground and pray. As we huddled together on the phone with one of our parents, trying not to lose it, we prayed. Also going through my head was "It's time to put something against the door, their coming, we have to hurry." And of course a million other thoughts.
After we were through praying I knew something was different. I was literally in shock. My body was in shock and it was for the next two days. That night we went to the back room to pray not knowing what the next moment would bring. It was the toughest two days of my life spiritually. It seems that the enemy loves to show up in times where we are at our weakest and do as much damage as possible. That night and the day that followed was filled with the biggest spiritual battle I had ever gone through. I walked around in somewhat of a daze on the outside and on the inside I was filled with lies from the evil one. Things like: "Do you really trust God to protect you?" "Where is your God?" "Are you really going to heaven when you die" "Is what you believe true?" "How do you know you are truly saved?" It seemed that every button that could be pushed was pushed. Fear had overcome me in a huge way. I prayed against it, read my bible and quoted verses of biblical truth and His promises. At night when I was about to go to bed it was the worst. I didn't know what night fall was going to bring into the next day. Someone shared with me once that she felt we are most vulnerable when we are asleep. The enemy likes to come into our dreams and try to scare us, destroy us and feed us lies. I went to bed listening to worship music so my head could be wrapped around Him who was in control. My body was just filled with, well I guess fear is the only way I can describe it. And the enemy definietely tried to use those two days to tear me down. I should have told the group I was with what I was going through, so they could pray with me and help me through it. But for those of you who know me the best, I usually keep feelings, struggles and things like that to myself. So I just dealt with it by turning to Him. After almost two full days of this battle within I was sitting with my group of friends in the US Embassy housing, where we were staying for the night and we were sitting around talking, singing and praying. I was still kind of in a daze but listening none the less. We sang "As the Dear" and after the song was over Psalm 42 popped into my head (Which is where this song stems from) and that was the first thing I had mentioned all night. My flat mat suggested that I read it to the group...So I did. I want to share it with you now and then continue with this entry:
1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night, (There were definitely tears those two days, inwardly but a lot)
while people say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?” (I felt the enemy tell me this several times)
4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
under the protection of the Mighty One[d] (He is my protection)
with shouts of joy and praise
among the festive throng.
5 Why, my soul, are you downcast? (I was very downcast and not myself)
Why so disturbed within me? (I was very disturbed within myself)
Put your hope in God, (Reminding me that my hope is in Him and Him alone!)
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
6 My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?”
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
11 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
This spoke to me that night and from then on I was myself again. Though there were scary moments that followed He reminded me that since hope was in Him and I have protection from Him and Him alone, I do not need to be downcast and disturbed. When He is on your side no one can be against you, not even the evil one. He always knows what you need to hear. I needed this that night. His word always helps me through my darkest times. And this was definitely a dark couple of days. Days that I do not want to go back to. But if I do I know He will be standing by my side throughout it all. My faith was tested through those two days more then it ever had been. Initial reaction was to kneel and pray. My flesh was scared for days after that (I'm human what can I say?) and the enemy tried his best to use all he had against me but God brought me through it on step at a time! I've learned a lot not only during the uprising but since then as well. I have a newborn thirst to know the one true and living God more and more everyday. I am not perfect and I never will be but I will do my best to fulfill His will. Go out and be fruitful and share the Good News with as many people as you possibly can and grow closer and closer in a relationship with Him each day. He loves us and wants us to know Him through His word and through communication (prayer) each and everyday.
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